Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
