When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
