Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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