I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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