Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
