i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
