I'm so fucking centered right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
