he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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