Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
