Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
