I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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