were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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