I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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