you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
