I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
