im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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