is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
