I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
