just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
