I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
