Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
