I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
