He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
