wanna go halves on a baby?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
