When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Green mimosas i think yes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
