you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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