He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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