Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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