Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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