...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
