i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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