We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
