I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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