Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
