Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
