meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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