No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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