So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
