How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
