Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
