sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
