Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
