If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
