I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
