Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
