You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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