your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
