I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
