Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
