If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
