You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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