I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize