He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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