I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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