I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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