Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
