Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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