it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
