Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
