okay pat passed out under dana's car
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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