1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My liver just broke up with me...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
