just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
