Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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