is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
