was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
