Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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