just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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