The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
