When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
