Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
