You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
