He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
