I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize