hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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