Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
