I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
