If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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