take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
