Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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