Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
