I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
