Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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