please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
